mercredi, juin 21, 2006

بلا عنوان

أمشي في الحياه بلا تجارب, بلا معاناة, اليس لكل شئ معني؟ و بمعني المعاناة, أنا بلا معاناة. و لكن ليس للكمال معني, لطالما خفت علي كمالي النسبي. , لطالما خفت علي حياتى من عبث الآخرين. مشيت في طرق كثيره أبحث عن غاية, ابحث عن هدف, ولطالما تغيرت هذه الأهداف, و تظل حياتي بلا هدف, بلا غايه, بلا مثل أعلي أتطلع اليه فاغرة الفيه مبهورة, أليست المعاناة لها معاني كثيرة. لطالما مشيت و عيوني تحوطنى, فأنا بلا تجارب و لكن لي منها الكثير, تجارب الآخرين, تجارب لا تحصي, و عيوني كلها تري المعاناة من كل حدب و صوب و أنا لا أحب المعاناة, اذا علي دائما أن أحتاط و افتح عيوني. تتسائلون عن كنه عيوني, أليس لكل منا عينان؟ نعم, و لكن اني لى من العيون عشرة, أربعة لأنظر عن يميني و شمالي كي لا يأتى أحد ليسير بمحاذاتي فأنا لا أمشى بمحاذاة أحد, أنا أمشي وحيدة, الي الأبد وحيدة. قد ألقي السلام و لكن لا أسير معهم, فهم غرباء, و أنا لا أمشي مع الغرباء. و لي عينان أنظر بهما لأعلي لأري النجوم و معها قمرها ينعم معها بالكمال, و عقلي يقول لي لن تستطيعي أبدا الوصول له, لطالما رأيت القمر ينتصف و يختفي و لكني أعرف انه موجود, عيني تراه عندما يختفي و أحلم باليوم الذي ألمسه فيه و أجلس علي هلاله. و أحتفظت بعينان أري بهما المستقبل بما فيه من أهداف و غايات لم أصل اليها و أعرف أني لن أصل اليها أبدا, و لكني لم أتوقف و لن أتوقف أبدا عن المحاولة. أما ما تبقي من عيون فاحتفظت بهما لظهري, و يالهما من عينان فهما يحميانني من الطعنات التي تصيبني و لكني لا أعلم لم أطعن, فلم آذى أحد من قبل حتي و أنا منشغلة بالنظر أمامي, و هكذا أكملت من العيون عشرة و للأسف لم يكن لي من العيون ما أنظر به تحتي و لذلك دائما ما أتعثر و لكن حالي أفضل علي أي حال. أمشي في الحياه أجمع علامات الاستفهام فالآن عندي منها ألوف, حملتها علي ظهري فأحنوه و علي كتفي فأثقلوه وفي أذني فأغلقوهما, و علي ذراعي كالطفل الصغير, دائما ما أشفق علي علامات الاستفهام, فصاحبتها لأنها وحيدة مثلي, لا أحد يحبها, و أنا لا أحب أحدا غيرها و لن أحب, أكتفيت بعلامات أستفهامي فنحن أمثل أثنين و يالنا من اثنين, ضاقت بي الدنيا فحملتها تحت لساني, فأخرجت لسانى ليتحدث و لكن ليس عنها فهي لي وحدي. ها أنا أسير و أسير في صحراء حياتي, و لكن مهلا, ها هو هناك تترقرق عليه أشعة القمر و تتلألأ عليه أضواء النجوم, بسيط في معناه, جميل في محياه, يناديني, يبتسم لي, انه بئر العجائب, و حوله واحة مليئة بالظباء و الطيور الجميلة و نخيل سامق, و لكن لما تلك الطيور تصيح؟, ربما من فرحتها بالبئر, و هذا النخيل جميل و لكن بلا طرح؟ ربما لم يكن هذا موسم البلح, فأنا بلا تجارب و لا أعرف هذه الأشياء. و لكن ها هو البئر سيعلمنى كل شئ, ها هو البئر الذي انتظرته طوال عمري سأجد فيه كل ما أريد, سألقي فيه علامات أستفهامي فيحلها, فتجد لها اجابات ترافقها و تحبها فتستريح هي و أستريح أنا أيضا و ربما أستطيع أن أحب أنا أيضا. سأعيش حياتي بقربه, أنعم بعشبه و نخيله , و أرتوي بماؤه, ربما أجد فيه مثلي الأعلي أيضا, أليس بئر العجائب؟ و صرت أسير و أسير جاهدة و أنا أنظر اليه بحنين طال سنين و أقتربت منه و ها أنا وصلت, و لكن اين بئري, أين قمري, و أين نجومي؟ ألم يكونوا جميعا هنا؟ يا لخيبتي, انه السراب الذي يحكون عنه. لم أجد بئري, و لكن وجدت الكثير من علامات الاستفهام, و لكن ليس عندي مكان لها, فعندي منها الوف, و لكنها قالت لي أتتركيني وحدي بلا أنيس ولا جليس؟!؟! فرق لها قلبي و قلت لها: سأحملك على لسانى فليس لك عندي مكان غيره, فقالت أن جل ما تريده أن تبقي معي فحملتها. عرفت الآن لما كانت الطيور تصيح, رأت السراب و تبعته و بكت على ما ضاعت من آمال. لن أمشي في السعي خلفك أيها البئر و أبحث عنك, لن أجد أبدا ما أريده, و لن أحاول, فلأكتفي بما لدي من علامات أستفهام, فيوما ما سأتحرر منها و من حياتي معها و ربما ينمو النخيل علي قبري, و ترويه علامات أستفهامي فلطالما كنا أمثل أثنين. ربما كان ذلك النخيل لمن بحثوا عن البئر قبلي؟ لا, لن أحمل علامات أستفهام أخري, فلتجلس هنا تنتظر الأخرين لعلها تؤنس السراب, فأنا لا أريد أن أتذكر السراب, أو أن أتذكر البئر, جل ما أريد تذكره ألا أبحث عنه. فلأمشي وحيدة.....مع علامات أستفهامي.

mardi, juin 20, 2006

choice for adults only!!!!

When you are the one who took the decision, you should be brave, in somethings, my decision i think didn't turn out to have any unwanted results...they're just what i wanted, bs howa ana leih za3lana. Days come and go, decisions taken and gone, everything appears and disappears. yalla.

vendredi, juin 09, 2006

طنوش

طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش. طنوش قال لك طناش.... و متعصلجلناش... طنوش قال لك طناش... و متعصلجلناش . تعملى فيها عنتر ده شئ ميخصناش..... بس البعيد هيتعب و هتبقى حالته أصعب, بس البعيد هيتعب و هتبقى حالته أصعب, خليك من حزب أشعب, طنش تاكل بلاش. تنح أفاك و فأم و أزرع وشك أوالح, متحطش المصالح ما بين خاصم و صالح. ده مفيش خصومه دايمة تفضل عالوش عايمة ولا القيامة قايمة الا في لحظة طناش. طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش. غفير و خالته داية لو مسكوه عصاية و لبسوه عباية و حطوه عالمراية... غفير و خالته داية لو مسكوه عصاية و لبسوه عباية و حطوه عالمراية....هيشوف أتخن أمير ملعون أبو الفقير, هيشوف أتخن أمير ملعون أبو الفقير....و تسأله عن أصوله... و تسأله عن أصوله....يقول مشفتهاش............. طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش طنوش

jeudi, juin 08, 2006

Prince for now and ever after(happy ending)

Once upon a time there was a prince who was named after his ancestors and was known as Richard XI, the greatest of kings was he to be, son of a son of a son of a king, of a royal family with royal blood that hadn't been contaminated with foreign blood for hundreds of years, the wedding of that king to his cousin princess Marie-Rose was destined to be after the first blue flower in the royal palace's garden to reveal its petals, the princess loved the king since they were children, they used to play in the valleys and hills together and spend the best of days.
One night, he decided to go on a hunting trip in the valley the next day, he always liked hunting alone, he kept on wandering in the valley without finding anything interesting, resting on his horse, a thunderstorm stroke suddenly, the horse freaked out and threw the young prince off its back, the prince kept on walking alone in the rain, he wandered for 2 days and one night, without water or food, he became exhausted, hungry and thirsty.
The second night he was sitting under the moon light trying to figure out what he can do to return to his home and his beloved princess, and while looking in the horizon, he saw a weak light, he felt all his powers return to him, and started running towards the light, finally, he reached the house and knocked, he heard a soft voice, then a beautiful young lady opened the door, the moment he set his eyes on her, he forgot all about Marie-Rose, the kingdom and the future that awaited him, he said with his royal respect and decency, "I am a stranger who lost his way and gazed for days in the valleys and hills without food, I .." the prince was about to complete when a harsh looking man appeared, the girl said with disrespect, "we don’t have food for strangers, ge..." she was about to close the door when the man held the door and said with nice voice, "oh Emmanuelle, we always have food for strangers! Come in please young man." The prince was pleased and entered trying to keep his eyes off the girl. The man said to the prince, "What is your name young man and where are you from?" Richard decided not to reveal his identity, he said: "My name is Dussolier, I am from a near country and was on my way to the city but I lost my way." The man smiled a weird smile and said: "You honored us with your visit, you are welcome in our house, my name is Devos...and this is my daughter Emmanuelle." The prince blushed for he could barely keep his eyes off her. Devos said with loud voice: " If you could excuse us for a second." He took his daughter quickly in a far room and said to her in a cheerful voice, "Emmanuelle, my daughter, life is eventually offering us a chance to live, do you know who is that man?” Emmanuelle exclaimed, " How could I know, just a stranger, what shall he be!" "Oh young foolish lady, this is the prince, prince Richard XI, the future king of the country, and I can see that he loved you from the first sight, for who can resist your beauty my dear Emmanuelle", Devos said. Emmanuelle smiled with happiness thinking of the throne and what she will do if she became the queen, but then she said, "But what about Boubat, we were destined for each other since we were born?" Emmanuelle asked. Devos raged and said: "Are you an idiot, Boubat or the throne?" She smiled and said: "The throne and Boubat", Devos didn’t care for anything but the throne so he said: "Doesn't matter, doesn't matter, get the throne and then you can do whatever you want!!"
Emmanuelle put on the best of clothes she had while Richard was eating and by the time he finished his food and thanked Devos, Emmanuelle was ready to set off, she sat beside Richard, and said with a soft voice: "You must be a knight, you have such gentle looks, monsieur Dussolier" he was happy to hear her say such nice words and he could notice her care, by the time the night ended he had confessed his love to her and asked her to marry him. They married in the town church, but he still kept away his identity. One night he got sick of lying and he declared that he is prince Richard XI and offered to take her to the palace and declare their marriage, she acted as she didn’t know until he told her.
They set off towards the palace. By the time he reached the city he found that the king is very ill, Richard decided to keep the event of his marriage for he feared his dad would not bear it. The princesses saw Emmanuelle and wandered who she was, Marie-Rose felt her heart break when she saw Emmanuelle as she could see his love for her on his face, she decided not to say anything for the sake of her uncle. It was not long before the great king died, leaving his son as the king of the country, he rested in peace not knowing what fate hided for his son.
Days passed and Richard felt that its time to declare his marriage. One day she sent a letter to Boubat telling him that she still loved him and still wants him, if he could come to the city she could get him a job in the palace to be near her, and she satisfied her promise, he became a lawyer in the court. It was not a year after that when the new queen gave birth to a boy, he was beautiful as his mother but not a prince like his father, he carried the name of the family for he was Richard XII, but didn’t carry the royal blood. On the other hand, thanks to the loyal queen, Boubat became the consultant of the king. One day, Emmanuelle said to Boubat: "oh Boubat my love, till when will we live in this misery, I hate that Richard...I think it's time for us to take charge of everything, the kingdom is ours, for all the loyalty of our son is to you and he is the king’s successor, he will inherit the throne!!" Boubat hesitated but after all he loved Emmanuelle and wished to be her legal husband. She put poison in the king's food that would have an effect of a heart attack.
The king died in his sleep and neither the court nor the citizens knew the truth, and with that the young named prince took charge of the kingdom. That was the end of a royal family but for that...the young prince Richard XI, the son of the great king, the prince nominated to marry the princess Marie-Rose woke up from sleep to find the blue flower under his window…all that was a nightmare, princess Marie-Rose with her royal beauty was waiting for him loyally, they married and lived happily ever after.

Prince for now but not for ever after

Once upon a time long ago, there was a prince who was named after his ancestors and was known as Frederic XI, the greatest of kings was he to be, son of a son of a king, of a royal family with royal blood that hadn't been contaminated with foreign blood for hundreds of years, they ruled France generation after the other urging each and every citizen to pay his full loyalty to the royal family. The wedding of that prince to his cousin princess Marie-Rose was to be held when the first blue flower in the royal palace's garden to reveal its petals, the princess loved the king since they were children, they used to play in the valleys and hills together and spend the best of days.
One day he decided to go on a hunting trip in the valley, he always liked hunting alone, he kept on wandering in the valley without finding anything interesting, resting on his horse, a thunderstorm stroke suddenly, the horse freaked out and threw the young prince off its back, the prince kept on walking alone in the rain, he wandered for two days and one night, without water or food, he became exhausted, hungry and thirsty.
The second night he was sitting under the moon light trying to figure out what he can do to return to his home and his beloved princess, and while looking in the horizon, he thought he saw a weak light, after looking carefully he found out that it was a light of a house indeed, he felt all his powers return to him, and started running towards the light, finally, he reached the house and knocked, he heard a soft voice, then a beautiful girl opened the door, the moment he set his eyes on her, he forgot all about the kingdom, the future that awaited him and his Marie-Rose too, for the girl had stunning beauty but never with the kindness of princess Marie-Rose, but who can not see the kind beauty never deserves it. He said with his royal respect and decency, "I am a stranger who lost his way and gazed for days in the valleys and hills without food, if you..." the prince stopped when a harsh looking man appeared, the girl said with disrespect, "we don’t have food for strangers, ge..." she was about to close the door when the man held the door and said with nice voice, "oh Eveline, we always have food for strangers! Come in please stranger." The prince was pleased and entered trying to keep his eyes off the girl. The man said to the prince, "What is your name my lord and where are you from?" Richard decided not to reveal his identity, he said: "My name is Dussolier, I am from a near country and was on my way to the city but I got lost." The man smiled a weird smile and said: "You honored us with your visit, you are welcome in our house, my name is Devos...and this is my daughter Eveline." The prince blushed for he could barely keep his eyes off her. Devos said with loud voice: " If you could excuse us for a second." He took his daughter quickly in a far room and said to her in a cheerful voice, " Eveline, my dear daughter, life is eventually offering us a chance to live, do you know who is that man?” he said happily. Eveline exclaimed, " How could I know, just a stranger, what shall he be!" "Oh young foolish girl, this is the prince, prince Frederic XI, the future king of the country, and I can see that he fell in love with you the moment he saw you for who can resist your beauty my dear Eveline ", Devos said. Eveline smiled with happiness thinking of the throne and what she will do if she became the queen, but then she said, "But what about Boubat, we were destined for each other since we were born?" Eveline asked. Devos raged and said: "Are you an idiot, Boubat or the throne?" She smiled and said: "The throne and Boubat", Devos didn’t care for anything but the throne so he said: "Doesn't matter, doesn't matter, get the throne and then you can do whatever you want!!"
Eveline put on the best of clothes she had while Frederic was eating and by the time he finished his food and thanked Devos, Eveline was ready to set off. She sat beside Frederic, and said with a soft voice: "You must be a knight, you have such gentle looks, monsieur Dussolier" he was happy to hear her say such nice words and he could notice her care for he thought she loved him in return, by the time the night ended he had confessed his love to her and asked her to marry him. They married in the town church, but he still kept away his identity. Two weeks later, a man for revenge killed Devos. Frederic felt that there’s nothing for Eveline in this town anymore and he declared that he is prince Frederic XI and offered to take her to the palace and declare their marriage, for she had been acting as if she didn’t know that he was the king until he told her.
They set off towards the palace. By the time he reached the city he found that the king is very ill, Richard decided to keep the event of his marriage for he feared his dad would not bear it. The princesses saw Eveline and wandered who she was, Marie-Rose felt her heart break when she saw Eveline as she could see his love for her on his face, she decided not to say anything for the sake of her uncle. It was not long before the great king died, leaving his son as the king of the country, he rested in peace not knowing what fate was hiding for his only son.
Days passed and Frederic felt that its time to declare his marriage. All the country was shocked wondering how could the king betray the beloved princess Marie-Rose. Marie-Rose felt that life was ending for her for what she had always wanted was, by the marriage of the king, gone, princes from near countries proposed to the beautiful young princess, she kept on refusing a long time but after all, she was a royal princess and she had to marry a prince, her dad kept on saying that if she didn’t marry, what would citizens say, king Frederic went on in his life and that’s what she should do, it was when she could refuse no more, prince Tithonus of Italy proposed, she had nothing to say anymore so they married and left towards Italy.
Meanwhile, by now a queen she became, Eveline sent a letter to Boubat telling him that she still loved him and wants him by her side, if he could come to the city she could get him a job in the palace to be near her, and she satisfied her promise, he became a lawyer in the court. It was not a year after that when Eveline gave birth to a boy, he was beautiful as his mother but not a prince like his father, he carried the name of the family for he was Frederic XII, but didn’t carry the royal blood. On the other hand, Eveline convinced her husband that Boubat was the most loyal one in court. Eventually, Boubat became the consultant of the king.
Marie-Rose lived happily with king Tithonus for he loved her and she loved him in return, she gave birth to a beautiful royal boy and was known to be prince Leontes. Leontes was a young man raised to be a knight, nobleman and a fair king just like his father, but life insisted on punishing Marie-Rose for a deed that was neither known nor done, for the kind Tithonus got sick and left the throne to his loyal queen and noble son.
Years passed by, one day Eveline said to Boubat: "oh Boubat my love, till when will we live in this misery, I hate that Frederic...I think it's time for us to take charge of everything, the kingdom is ours, for all the loyalty of our son is to you and he is the king’s successor, he will inherit the throne!!" Boubat hesitated but after all he loved Eveline and wished to be her legal husband. They spent days trying to find a way to get rid of king Frederic. One day, the king declared that he is willing to go on a hunting trip in the valley as he used to, the evil queen finally found the chance she had been waiting for.
Boubat and Eveline decided on accompanying the king on his trip pretending to take care of him, he tried to refuse but they insisted, halfway across the valley, the queen pretended to be ill and asked for a rest, the king rode off his horse, and so did Boubat, and food was served, the queen pretending to be asleep, Boubat put poison in the king’s plate. Two hours later when the evil queen and her companion were sure he was dead, Boubat hurried towards the city and declared in the royal court that the king died in his sleep. One day after the funeral, prince Frederic XII was crowned to be the new blessed king of France, but because he was still young Boubat assigned himself as the legal king till the prince is old enough to take charge, not only that, but he also declared his marriage to queen Eveline not long after the death of the great king. When Marie-Rose’s father duke Godefroi felt that the death of his nephew was weird for he sensed that everything was done for Boubat to take charge, he asked the servants who accompanied the king on his hunting trip about what happened, he had suspicions about the death of the king. When he talked about it in the royal court, Boubat declared that the duke is lying and killed him with charge of treason.
Marie-Rose knew what happened, so she ordered the Italian armies and with the help of her noble son, she attacked the armies of Boubat. The noble prince Leontes didn’t need much time to defeat the French armies, for his courage and powers were invincible. Leontes captured Boubat and Eveline, and they admitted treason and Boubat was executed for his crimes. Besides, for the voice of justice was much higher than the voice of evil, Eveline could not bear the loss of the throne and Boubat, she lost her mind and admitted that prince Frederic XII was not the king’s child but Boubat’s, so she and her illegal son were prisoned in a far cell in a tower.
Prince Leontes was to be the king of France after defeating the French armies for the French royal princes wouldn’t have minded, Leontes was the son of Marie-Rose, the noble queen, but greed was never one of Leontes’ deeds, he was a noble prince indeed and decided to leave the kingdom for prince Gerard, duke Godefroi’s nephew, cousin of Marie-Rose. He returned as a winning king to his kingdom with his mother, but in fact Marie was not happy, she was filled with sorrow for the fate of the great king Frederic XI even though he had been cruel to her, but a heart that can love can never hate, she spent the rest of her life sad for what happened, she was cursed by a deed that she knew but never did. Happiness was never her fate and she lived in sorrow ever after.

lundi, juin 05, 2006

today is 5th of june

weird, somebody asked, " Does today remind you of something?" For the first μsec i thought: "maybe it's the birthday of somebody or something like that", i said μsec because the sender or the cc or bb or aa or ay 7aga are not contacts that would remind me of a birthday for instance so the time i needed to catch up with the kind of mail was not that long, but the disaster is that my reflex arc is about these things now, and the real disaster is that when i knew what all the bells were about, which is el naksa by the way, my first reaction was: "really?!?!, is this the date?" "la 7awl wala quowata ella bellah", i became THIS eventually, nobody cares about anything anymore, or let's face it: " I dont care about anything anymore" i really need a reconstruction plan or " inny men al halekeen".