Faith

Do you know the feeling when you have done something unchangeable that disgraces you and shows your whole self thing without any make-up in front of your inner mirror, it is an awful and itching thing, you feel the tears are in your throat and your head spins unstoppably, and you suddenly feel that everything you are doing is wrong and shouldn’t be that way. Why does it always happen that the thing that u want most in your life disappears even without failure trials, everything is ok and is going quite well and oops.. Game over, why?!?!?! Are our goals not that realistic? Maybe because of fate? Or because when we want a certain thing we don’t feel the loss of other things, or even the success in many things? Do we really have to reach that enlightment that Buddha reached to be able to live happily? I know that goals are probably temporary, the thing you get today is the thing you want to change tomorrow but we were created this way and we cant help it, so what? Um totally lost in these thoughts and um exhausted, thoughts are spinning and spinning and I feel dizzy, who is Buddha, nothing, somebody that is not as half wise as our Prophet Muhammad. In spite of us having a very good religion that helps in these cases, we do not use it, maybe because it’s hard to stick to it, though theoretically, it’s very easy to follow the wise instructions of our religion, the religion is a path and light that enlightens our path from the day we start to know the first word “la2” till we are introduced to “3ezra2eel” in the end, I cant find the path, um completely lost, um bored of waiting for the faith to come, and I don’t know how to reach him and keep him as a friend of mine forever, I’ve known the faith frequently but then we had quarrels and we fell apart, but now, I need him badly more than anything, I really feel um internally falling apart. Can’t he come once and stay longer not only to give me the time to convince him that I need him and want him to stay, but also to give myself the time to get along with the fact that we can be best friends, I really need you FAITH.